Got this from one of my friends. One of his friends had his girlfriend cheat on him and they exchanged these two emails. I have changed the names for privacy sake. Although I dont think that the guy will mind that this is on the internet.

Joe,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right
now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole
entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in
any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even try
other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I
can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly
words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see
me as a different person. It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t
crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
that you
didn’t. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is
something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can’t
imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you
could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate
feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say
or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.

Jane

–

Dear Jane,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for ‘Long-winded
diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’. You did a stupid thing
huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid thing’;
Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’; Blowing some guy in
a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long
because you ate too much raisin bran that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as
it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I’m not
sure if it was more amusing
that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2
hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t Fuck him’
somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world
‘looked funny’ to you yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers,
golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings
for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a
terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill cum-guzzling
blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must
be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade
around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you
might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,
Joe